A decade ago…

It’s Birthday Eve and I’m reflecting on how I started this blog a decade ago. TEN YEARS! How this time has passed by seemingly in the blink of an eye.

But how much has changed too. And I don’t just mean the obvious ones like an abundance of grey hairs (what to do about them when one is so very lazy about dedicating regular appointments for personal grooming) and the need for reading glasses (definite game changer).

I would never say I had any more answers, perspective or experience on any given subject matter than I did a decade ago. There will always be something new to navigate but also always something to be joyful about. And after experiencing some of my saddest days personally and outwardly over global concerns, I really feel it’s time to look ahead and spend the next year feeling all the positives

Happy Birthday Eve to me. I spent the afternoon with #1, 2 and 3 eating waffles because who can ever say No to waffles.

Paying our respects to Her Majesty

Days of sadness culminated in the most spectacular display of pomp and ceremony absolutely befitting Her Majesty, the late Queen Elizabeth II and it is quite true that those images will live with me for much time to follow. In celebration, the display of polished and immaculate pageantry is impressive. In mourning, the pride and duty of all who played a part in such a momentous occasion was clear to see and it made me feel so proud to see all those people whose day jobs is to protect and serve their country, carry out their roles with such composure and dignity. The Bearer Party alone had me sending them all the positive energy I could muster.

It’s an odd feeling to be quite so emotional about the passing of someone I have never met before and I find it a bit embarrassing to admit the depth of sadness that I’ve felt since being told by a colleague that the Queen had died whilst I was sat outside a pub having an after work drink after a very busy day that had meant there was no time to closely follow the events about raised concerns of the Queen’s health that day.

Though I don’t think it’s possible to be told about the death of someone, whether you knew them well or not, without in that very moment feeling a level of empathy knowing the grief that comes with losing someone you love very much. Watching all the television coverage of the Queen’s journey from Balmoral, to Edinburgh, to London and to her final resting place in Windsor over the past week has had me in tears every single time. And watching a family, as privileged as they are, having their grief on display for everyone to see, perform ceremonial duties, comfort members of the public and help young children come to terms with bereavement is beyond my own imagination.

Last year, watching the funeral of Prince Philip was also an emotional moment. Not least the image of the late Queen sitting on her own, abiding by the same Covid-19 restrictions affecting the nation. The Queen, and the Monarchy, but more so the Queen has been so much a part of my own life that it feels difficult to imagine a world without her in it. I recently read an article which said one of her Ladies in Waiting described their role as being in the business of happiness. And that is quite true. For in a world full of challenge, how refreshing is it that a photo of the Queen pops up, smiling and doing her bit to raise spirits.

I remember as a child, when you only newspapers and televisions with channels you can count on one hand to tell you anything about the global world, our whole family showing a great interest in the Queen and Prince Philip making a state visit to China. We followed their visit keenly on the tv. Possibly recorded it on VHS tapes. It was fascinating to follow places that they went to, in a time when air travel was a luxury and China was so far away and holidays just unheard of in my family. I imagine it felt a proud moment for my family that people could see and perhaps understand more about Chinese culture. Technically my own cultural heritage but I felt so removed from it with living in the UK my whole life and times not being so diverse as it is now that it was a big education for me too.

And then when we lived in Singapore, how else do you define yourself as an Expatriate of the country you’d just left and remain to close but through celebrating all things relating back to your home nation. It just so happened in that time there were some milestone events such as the Royal Wedding, London 2012 and the Diamond Jubilee. All happy, joyful occasions to bring people together for a party and without any of the cynicism that can be found at times to mar such times. Even today and the past week or so since the Queen died there has been more effort made by people to come together than to keep apart.

I myself, had the chance to meet up with family members and together we made the trip to London, expecting nothing but just for the chance to do something to show our respects for a Queen who had had a very lasting impact on us. We went down to London to Green Park to lay our own flowers among the many already there to show in some small way that her commitment to her people was definitely noticed and appreciated. In times of such change, the repeated message about the Queen’s commitment to duty, service and doing what’s right is immensely reassuring. It’s symbolic and being able to rely on something, someone being constant. There aren’t many people who you can feel that about. And I guess that’s why her passing brings out such grief in me. The surety that her face would pop up in the news, on social media, every Christmas Day is just what I took for granted. The familiarity of something in your life, once again gone.

But one shouldn’t be sad for a life lived well and long. And definitely due a rest. It is sad but also hopeful too as documentaries and history will reflect on her life and how she conducted herself in such changing times to modernise herself and the Monarchy. Witnessing King Charles’ grief, made so public, that alone would make me want to give his reign the same support and interest that I never really knew I had in the Royal Family.

May Her Majesty rest in eternal peace. I will miss you. Thank you for everything.

2021 Year End Review

So we’ve got through 2021. Hoorah to us!

And can I say what an odd year it’s been. I don’t know if you care to think back to the start of the year and that third ‘lockdown’. I don’t think I have felt as exhausted as I did in February when there was a lot to juggle with home schooling and home working. I don’t think anyone has truly felt rested since the pandemic began despite all this time at home. When at home you do all the home chores that need doing and never the lounging about that you think you might do. I remember on Valentine’s Day that Husband took #1, 2 and 3 on a walk to give me an hour to myself in our own home and that was such a treat!

Ah, how I miss just having time to myself in my own home or anywhere even. It made the commute to the office a luxury! May there be more of that in 2022. Not so much commuting but taking time for yourself. We should all be much better at that. So take a moment to think of what those things may be.

And may there be much more of those many things in 2022. Like trips away at home and overseas. Weekends visiting friends. Meals out. Theatre and live music. Time at home because we choose to be home. Walks outdoors and an appreciation of the simple things.

This year hasn’t passed by without nothing being achieved even though I’ve barely been on my blog. Let’s see. Well I’ve ran over 1,000 miles. I’ve finished crocheting my monster king size blanket so that it feels nice and toasty in my bed this winter. I’ve had squidgy soft baby cuddles with new family members. I’ve progressed at work and feel more confident in what I do. I’ve spent time with family without that tinge of fear. I’ve soaked up sea air. I’ve spent time in London and all the excitement that brings. I’ve taken #2 and 3 for their first West End theatre experience. I’ve seen puffins. I’ve cooked and baked an extraordinary amount. And so much more come to think of it.

More importantly, I’ve watched #1, 2 and 3 navigate this pandemic period with resilience and good spirits. It’s almost like they are taking each new opportunity and making the most of it because they can. I’m really proud of them.

I feel this year has definitely passed by with much less fear than 2020 but I can also say that I haven’t seen my family any more often. And that does makes me sad. But there’s also optimism that 2022 will make a difference with all the vaccines and positivity that comes with it so that we can all enjoy our time together. I’ve missed so much time with people and I can’t wait to see them again soon.

In this household we’ve just come out of 16 days of Covid-19 making an appearance and quite symbolic that we are all testing negative on the last day of the year. And so on that note, let us look to the new year with hope. Whatever you’re doing I wish you a very peaceful end to 2021 and may 2022 start with renewed energy and the chance we might see a lot more people and enjoy many happy times together.

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

Out running 2021

I only discovered Strava in November 2020. So perhaps it’s the novelty of tracking every single sporty thing you do that has helped me end this year having ran a total distance of 1650 km/1025 miles! Slightly less notable is logging 25.5km on my bike, but that probably comes as no surprise to those who know me well and have seen me out cycling. If there’s a cycling proficiency course for grown ups, do let me know.

For me, it wasn’t intentional to get to 1,000 miles this year but I was so inspired by a friend of mine who achieved this goal in 2020 and I quietly gave the idea some thought. It seemed such a big number and commitment of time. Could I really run at least 135 km a month when there seemed to be so little time to do all the things that I needed to do. I wasn’t new to running but there was always someone to run with or a short term goal to aim for. I don’t think I’ve actually ran consistently for more than six months.

But then we started 2021 with lockdown number 3 and with that came more home schooling and home working and you don’t need me to remind you how much fun that was. And so I gave myself license to take a bit of time to myself. To run whenever the mood and circumstance allowed. It was the best gift I could give myself.

Getting outdoors was such a release from the confines of not being able to plan anything or go anywhere. But going out for a run did get me places. It gave me time on my own to decompress and gather my thoughts. I have become one of those people who advocates all kinds of weather running, especially since I got my first pair of trail shoes. Gamechanger! Even when it was snowing and freezing cold, it was liberating! To feel the cold on my cheeks nothing less than exhilarating and to have the freedom and space to see something new, even when running the same paths week after week. Because if you look closely, no one place ever looks the same.

Winter running with snowdrops and crocuses turned to spring daffodils and the first crop of wild garlic. And then lockdown 3 ended with a tentative return to other social events where you could see other people. I can see from my Strava logs that running took a bit of a back seat then but still it kept me going on days that became a bit too noisy. To put on my running shoes and go out for a run in the early evening sunset, past groups of people languishing with picnics in the park. You don’t realise just how much easier it is to run in the cooler months until autumn hits and there’s a quicker pace to your step and you see other runners and you start telling them too how lovely it is to be out in the fresher air. Because you do that once you start running. You start chatting to other runners about running. And that’s one of my favouritest things to do when running is just pootling along and having a chat with another runner. It solves all manners of things you need to get off your chest.

I’m really pleased to have achieved over 1,000 miles of running this year. It’s been a wonderful experience and throughout this odd year it has definitely kept me grounded. I’ve enjoyed the time on my own, or spent running with others. I don’t know whether I’ll still keep up the same mileage in 2022 or try and run a half marathon every month. I think I need to branch out into other forms of sport like stretching out these tired limbs or perhaps practicing road safety on my bike more.

If you’re contemplating the idea of picking up running in the new year, I hope you do. And I hope you enjoy every single moment of getting outdoors and if ever you need a bit of company, I’m there.

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A pandemic Birthday Eve

It’s Birthday Eve! To think I started this little blog of mine exactly eight years ago. Full of nerves, excitement and things to say about the past and present. But I’ve barely posted since we found ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic. Just saying ‘global pandemic’ out loud sounds bizarre and surreal. But hopefully, 17 months later, we can begin to believe that we’re slowly emerging out of a world that may be changed in many ways but looking a lot less uncertain. I feel like I’m waiting at traffic lights and even though it’s green for Go, I’m still hovering at the flashing amber stage.

I guess it will take me a while longer to get used to planning ahead again. To remember the days of filling out a diary months in advance. Whilst it will be lovely to be able to do that, to have special occasions to look forward to, it also feels slighting daunting to even think about it. If that makes sense. But that’s not the reason why I’m writing this today. I’ve missed being here and even though there have been many times I’ve wanted to write something, somehow it just didn’t feel quite right. But maybe now that I’ve picked this up again, I might revisit some of those thoughts I’ve had. And other times, it’s been too exhausting at the end of the day with all the different aspects of our daily lives lived under one roof. I don’t think we fully appreciated how much energy it would take when you seemingly have less to do and fewer places to be. And again that didn’t seem worth writing about either.

We’ve all had our own journey to navigate through this pandemic. I’m thankful and I’m hopeful as I think about what is, over what could have been; what’s yet to come, over what should have been. Instead I’m ready for big hugs without judgement, live events, going to new places, seeing familiar faces and sharing food together. I’ve not learnt any new skills but I have improved on a few old ones. I am embracing my new prescription reading glasses and the delights of indulging in a really expensive bubble bath I bought for myself whilst reading a book from the pile of unread ones that stand taller than I do.

I’m ready for another Birthday celebration tomorrow and I can’t wait to see what #1, 2 and 3 have planned. I can tell they are bursting to let me know. In fact some of them have already let me know some of the plans but isn’t it a joy to find that someone else is just as excited for your Birthday as you are.

Love is……..an hour alone in front of the fire

This Valentine’s Day, there is no gift that can match some time alone in the house by myself. The only sounds I can hear right now is the fire crackling as I tap away writing this post. And it feels fabulous! As much as I love the company of others, I also miss pottering around the house on my own. And whilst we’re at it, I miss afternoon power naps. Back in the day, I’d have a Monday power nap. Almost like the effort of the weekend was so exhausting I need an extra little sleep on a Monday to get over it and recharge for the week ahead. Monday power naps were sadly no more when I went back to Gainful Employment and pondered how I’d get through the day without one. There are a million household jobs that need doing and I will get around to doing them. But for now, I’m going to bestow upon myself the gift of not moving off the sofa and enjoy a hot cuppa tea whilst everyone else is out enjoying their daily walk. I say ‘enjoying’ but it’s actually bitingly cold and drizzly out there…

Brighter, warmer days are definitely ahead and I know I’m not alone in feeling that this Lockdown 3.0 is requiring greater amounts of creativity to get through it than the ones before. It’s odd to feel less rested when there’s little to do and fewer people to see but fatigued is definitely the state of where we are at right now. The half term holidays will provide a much welcome break for everyone. Perhaps I am also not alone in acknowledging that there have been a few more moments than usual of cross words being exchanged and misunderstandings that has led to some slamming of internal doors going on. Just us? Well, emotions definitely have been running high and I can also confirm that whilst I am hilarious and good company, #1, 2 and 3 can find that hard to believe on occasion. And some days I AM JUST NOT FUN.

I can see where they are coming from because in addition to all the usual requests such as to pick up clothes lobbed wherever they land, to stop bickering, to put stuff away, to get off one or all forms of tech; we have the addition of ‘have you done your school work?’ Repeated many times a day. I mean, of course they find me tedious. Suffice to say, fuses have been running short of late, mine the most and that’s not how you want the family to feel. Hence why I’m sat on the sofa right now instead of hanging out the laundry. It will help everyone. Even if it does mean no dry socks for a few days.

I’m a bit cynical about the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day but I think we could all do with a little bit more love, kindness and fun right now. So this year’s Valentine’s Day has been a special day of treats for all the family. There is a strict no food upstairs policy in this household and so the idea of Breakfast in Bed caused great excitement this morning as #1, 2 and 3 eagerly awaited their fry up. I come from a culture of feeders, not just a family, and quite often the cooking of favourite foods is the loudest way to say ‘I care about you’ and to visit family for a meal where they’ve cooked all the things you love to eat brings such a welcoming and warm feeling.

Perhaps this is influencing #1 a little too because he kicked us all out of the kitchen for a good hour and a half so he could prepare the family a special Valentine’s Day afternoon treat. With absolutely no help from anyone, he proudly produced a tray of scones and that was a really lovely Valentine’s Day surprise that I thoroughly enjoyed.

With that, I think my home alone time is up and normal behaviour will resume as they all return from the cold and rain.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.

Seven weeks in

We’ve reached that stage of lockdown where #1 has commented on my ‘strong language’. And on one occasion, perhaps more, my family have kindly overlooked the casual dropping in of the F word.

Of course I’m not proud of it. But neither could I help myself either.  It is not just the children who are capable of throwing the odd tantrum and at least I didn’t throw myself full body onto the ground. Tempting as that may seem. Even more tempting was to take myself back to bed.

Today has been another one of those days where not as much as I would have liked has been achieved. But unlike two weeks ago, I finally got my head around the fact that it’s quite alright. I’ll get the work done tomorrow. Schoolwork will get done tomorrow. The ironing will get done tomorrow. Actually the ironing will not get done tomorrow. It will pile up into a fabric mountain like always.

When everyone is in the house and in each other’s company as much as we find ourselves right now, it’s little wonder that the melting pot of emotions can run high. The wise thing to do would be to soothe and diffuse situations like the calm, zen Grown Up parent I aspire to be, instead of react in the same way in my default mode. The trouble is, at times #1, 2 and 3 are a bit too much like me. Indeed. And as much as I like this fact, when you’re having a stand off then that doesn’t go in my favour. No.

Stand offs are not unusual in our household. We all want to win the argument. They just feel magnified and more intense for everyone when there are fewer options to flounce off to. But as quickly as they arise, they can dissipate just as fast. Small children can bounce back from these incidents far better than the Grown Ups who tend to store them up before eruption follows of a seismic size. Possibly that’s just me. I hope you are far better than that.

We are living in extraordinary times. And as much as I thought there’d be lots of free time to fill, I find that there is surprisingly little. The days and weeks can go by quite fast. Already we are in week seven of this odd world and I can see that we have all adapted to this new way of living. The continuation of the working and school week provides the same structure, as difficult as managing all of it together may feel.  Our new weekends are no longer encumbered with parkruns, homework or ferrying small people around so we are at liberty to do as we please.

We have fallen into a new routine of a long family walk exploring new paths around where we live and if there are positives to remember from this time then these moments would be among them. Keeping ourselves entertained has evolved quite naturally now that we have settled into things. Initially, there was quite a lot of activity flying around social media with inventive ideas on how to fill our time. In truth, I barely looked up many of them because I know I have a myriad of half started projects as it is. Why burden myself with more as much as I would love to and acknowledging that has made me feel so much more balanced.

 

As is recognising when it’s time for any one of us to have some ‘me’ time too. The sound of raised voices and frustrated cries is to be expected at times, but I am all for creating a better environment to hear less of it.  And as we all know, enabling friendships to grow is all important. I’m hearing more often from #1, 2 and 3 a request to see if we can go pay this or that friend a window wave. Or if we can arrange a chat with this or that friend. I see them create new games that can be played at this new socially acceptable distance apart. I overhear them recount things they’ve done on Zoom socials and afterwards they feel so much better. In much the same way that Grown Ups do. We all need to talk things through. We all need something that is our thing alone.

As I mentioned earlier on, it’s taken some weeks to accept that I can’t do everything and that I don’t have to. Some of you have been telling me this for awhile but it takes a bit of time to feel it. I think social media has also caught up with the fact that not for everyone is it possible to take more advantage of this downtime in useful ways. Now more than ever is it important to pay less heed to the glossy images on various platforms.

Some new things will be achieved like #3 learning to ride a bike, another good thing to remember from this time and my new foray into home crafting. But if the house is still not decluttered after all this, then I simply advise that you just don’t venture upstairs when you are allowed back in.

I hope you and yours are all in good health and please be kind to yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2019 Year End Reflections

And so we’re at another New Year’s Eve. Not just year end reflections but decade end reflections.

 

As I contemplate the year, I looked through the thousands of photos that catalogue all that I’ve done this year. The people that I’ve seen around the UK, the places that I’ve been to – some familiar, many new – and the occasions that I’ve celebrated. It’s been a good year. Still a bit different as we continue to adjust to our new home town and new UK lives but one that we all feel quite settled within.

 

I never doubted that it would work out. We’ve started new lives before and we know that it just takes a few welcoming people to make all the difference and we have been lucky enough to find those people. This year, like them all, has come with ups and downs and I’ve been touched by how those downs have been shared with friends I’ve known barely two years but who do their very best to keep you moving forward. I’d like to say a big thank you for them and for the realisation that you will never be through finding new friends. If I was, then I’d have missed out on so many laughs and new experiences. At the same time I’m thankful for all the old friends I’ve had the chance to catch up with in person. I do love how we all fall into step and feel so comfortable in each other’s company.

 

And then there’s family. For so many years whilst we were away, I missed out on the gatherings, celebrations and just being near each other. I’ve really enjoyed having that all back. As have #1, 2 and 3 as I watch them bond closer to cousins, Aunts and Uncles.

 

At the start of the year, I didn’t realise just how much of a toll 2018 had taken on me. I started this year depleted without knowing it or what to do to get over it. But I think by admitting that I wasn’t where I wanted to be, has helped me to face up to that fact that sometimes you do need a bit of support and that it’s all ok to go and get it. With grief came a whole lot of things I wasn’t expecting such as anxiety and anger.  Whilst time passed and made some parts of grief bearable, it also brought old wounds to the surface that had been left untended and not fully healed even though I thought they were. It is amazing how facing up to parts of yourself that you know are there, can change your outlook as you move forward. I was taught a valuable lesson this year about acceptance and how we can come to it.

 

And in the following months, the anxiety and anger lifted without me realising. I felt able to take on new challenges and just a few months ago, I found myself back in Gainful Employment. I wondered about what I would have to offer, how relevant I would be. Had Gainful Employment changed so much in the UK in the 11 years since we were acquainted. A career break of another two years on my CV. Good timing or luck, either way I’m in a role that I enjoy, albeit maternity cover but it’s exactly what I need as I take another step towards my new life here.

 

I end the year feeling far more confident and stronger than I did at the start of it. I still want to fill every opportunity with as many things as possible. But perhaps I’m a little better at deciding what those things should be. A new decade awaits. I don’t want to even speculate what it will bring. But I do hope whatever it brings, we will be up to it. And we will be because we have all the people we need to help us get through it.

 

Happy New Year’s Eve’s to you all and may 2020 bring you all the good things. x

 

 

Christmas ready!

So this year I’ve done a lot useless things to get Christmas ready. Like watching terrible Christmas films on Netflix with awful story lines and narrative to make you cringe into your Christmas jumper.

 

I think the helpful sales assistant in the shops today nailed it quite succinctly with the ‘you’re leaving it rather late’, at 4.58pm just as the tannoy is trying to usher everyone out the door. But little does she know that this is actually a tactical move. One that I learnt from the last two Christmas’ gone by. Said shop starts sticking sale price labels on things ready for Boxing Day, but if you happen to pick it up on Christmas Eve then you get it for sale price. I know. Savvy shopper rather than leaving it dreadfully late…I’ll let you decide.

 

I don’t know why getting Christmas ready can’t be a lot easier. I mean it should be. Christmas is in the shops from September. But there’s just something rather more satisfying getting everything done in the last few days/hours. And that thing where instead of getting everything ready prepped from any supermarket you choose, one has to get it from the butchers with collection on Christmas Eve. I was talking to someone in the queue at the butchers and we were laughing at how inexplicable it was that we should be standing out in the cold waiting to pick up a turkey. I don’t know why either but I do know that once a year this is what I do. In any part of the world.

 

And I’ve also had conversations that Christmas dinner is really a luxury roast dinner. So how much more complicated can it get? I don’t know why either. But I have ready in the freezer bacon and cocktail sausages ready to make a mini mountain of them tomorrow. Plus there’s the sprouts, chestnuts and pancetta that need doing and they sausage and sage stuffing. None of these items appear on the radar any other time of year. Curious.

 

But also for just one time a year, I like the frenzy of activity that goes on. And I like how the children have been building up to this day for quite some time and for them it’s worth making a big fuss over. I like how they have their own special things to do for Christmas. The tradition of welcoming Father Christmas to our home. The food that we have and the baking that gets done. I like how excited they are. So excited that they may not be able to sleep. So excited that when #3 met Father Christmas, she couldn’t even remember what was on her list for him. She may not know the look on her face when she met him but I will always remember it. This kind of magic in a child’s face just makes you enjoy the moment for what it is. Because a few more years and things will change again.

 

So finally, I am Christmas ready and for the first time in 3 years, I feel like I’m at a place where I can enjoy it for the pure joy of it being Christmas. I know that this year has brought change of different sorts to many people close to me. I hope we all enjoy a happy and peaceful Christmas Day. xx

Blue Monday

Blue Monday.

The most depressing day of the calendar year. Apparently.

Truth be told I can think of other days. However let’s go with today. The third Monday in January and the beginning of a week where most people give up on their New Year’s Resolutions, if they haven’t already. I gave up making resolutions some years ago that involved not to do something but rather to take up something new instead. Why start the New Year reminding yourself of your shortcomings and resolving to get rid of them when if you don’t succeed you’ll just feel bad about that too.  Like my many attempts to declutter…

I know Blue Monday is a term coined up by a travel company some years ago presumably to get more people to book holidays. And who wouldn’t want a holiday to look forward to, imagining all the new places to travel and explore. The promise of blue skies and the sun warm on your face. It can feel like an age since we were among those heady days of not caring about locating socks and jumpers. And yet it wasn’t really that long ago and those days are not far off again. It’s one of the joys of living in a country with actual seasons.

I feel we can be unfair to January but after the razzle, dazzle and sparkle of December, it’s a tough act to follow. And with all the excess of the festive season, well there’s likely to be a period of come down like with all highs.

But look closely though and you can see just how hard working January really is. We long for Spring and yet Spring doesn’t just happen overnight. Though it can feel that way when you suddenly notice the bloom of crocuses and daffodils. The grey of January contrasts gloriously with the colour of spring to help us better appreciate what is about to come. Take a closer look at January. You can see the trees are beginning to bud what will become new leaves and in the midst of frost covered ground the spring flowers are already there.

January is a time for recharging ourselves after a hectic holiday season. To go easy on ourselves rather than abstain completely.  Explore possibilities or plan for later. January should not be endured but appreciated for bringing a new year, new adventures.

As for today being Blue Monday, there was nothing blue about it apart from the sky.