I still believe…

You don’t need me to tell you that Christmas isn’t all about the presents. But this time last week, there were almost no presents to be found in this household! In fact a frantic weekend was to be had of what can only be described as a spree of haphazard panic shopping. Besides a big dose of late preparation, what else could fuel such an event than a presence of the Covid in the family nine days before Christmas. Not just one dollop but two. So it goes to reason that the chances of more out of the five of us could catch it was highly possible.

The ease of online shopping obviously helps. Plus the generous offer from friends to help pick up groceries for Christmas dinner after I realised the only Christmas dinner contribution I had at that point was some cranberries. Essential definitely. But rather redundant without a side of something to go with it.

So as each morning passed with a negative result from both Husband and myself, we got one step closer to being Christmas ready. But whilst there would be presents on Christmas morning and Christmas dinner at some point later that day, and getting all these things ready is part of the fun and tradition of this festive season, the shine was rather lacklustre.

Perhaps largely due to impact of the Covid symptoms, #1, 2 and 3 were less than forthcoming with a Christmas wish list, let alone writing a letter to Father Christmas. Especially for #3 who wouldn’t be able to take her own letter to the postbox. It’s enough to make your heart sigh, wondering if this is when you stop believing in the magic because with those days of isolation and testing, there could be no guarantee that any plans you wanted to make would actually happen. And if anyone needed to be an Elf this year, I certainly knew of a couple who could do with that kind of sparkle.

Christmas is a feeling. Of warmth and joy at parties with friends, reunions with family, walks in the cold to get a hot chocolate whilst being surrounded by pretty twinkling lights. Nine days may not seem like a long time but it can feel like a long time when you’re a young child and one of the most exciting, magical times of the year is happening outside and you want to be part of it. And so, as luck and chance would have it, it’s Christmas Eve and all test negative so we can get outdoors to enjoy the cold fresh air together with family for hot chocolate and red wine, a visit to see Father Christmas pop down a chimney and Elves teaching you Elfy stuff, an evening of getting properly Christmas Day ready with food out for the reindeer, magic dust and a poem to unleash the power of Christmas everywhere.

This Christmas Eve, I cannot be more thankful that we got to do everything we wanted to share some hope, joy and fun and see big happy smiles and restore some of the excitement that being a child at Christmas is all about. And I can honestly say that I still do believe in the magic of Christmas.

Perhaps this will also remind me to get myself more organised earlier next year. Well, that would be too much of a Christmas miracle!

Merry Christmas Eve to you and yours. x

• 

A different Christmas season

It is certainly a very different Christmas this year with pared back but no less meaningful festive trimmings. Christmas lights have been hung up since early November, a bit too early in any other year, rather heart warming in this one. A giant Elf has been doing the rounds in our home town, popping up in different daily locations, getting local businesses involved to spread festive cheer. A dazzling Santa’s post box appeared and even though #1, 2 and 3 sent separate letters, they received one single reply to all of them. Would it even be possible to visit Father Christmas this year? Turns out there are creative geniuses thinking up ways to keep the spirit of Christmas alive and well during these strange times. And I for one, am most pleased that I have been to see a Rocking Santa. I’m not quite sure what #1, 2 and 3 really made of him but why ever not!

After nine months of online meetings that can seriously drag, I’ve just discovered that adding a bottle of bubbles and some Warnicks can suddenly make four hours go by. Time doesn’t just move faster in the depths of some public house it appears. It’s certainly not how we would want to spent this time of year. A time for social gatherings, eating and drinking and being very merry. I’ve missed all that. The joy of putting on something sparkly and being out after dark is just so decadent. Also I have missed the joy of planning family gatherings and get togethers with friends to do more of the eating and drinking and being very merry. The need to keep cupboards full for impromptu guests and afternoon drinks that linger into the late evening, just in case. The cupboards are still full and if the festive booze gets whittled down then it’s quite obvious where it’s gone this year!

I still can’t figure out why Christmas has been one big rush with all the usual festivities more or less cancelled. I’ve got a few things to wrap up after writing this. Maybes it’s because I do things like quadruple the Christmas baking instead of just doubling it and wondering why the pastry is just rolling and rolling out so that I’ve ended up with an assortment of 55 tarts!

Pandemic or no pandemic, Christmas Eve is the domain of excited children anticipating something magical is about to happen. I really felt quite emotional as they went about the business of getting Christmas ready. The reindeer food, the drinks and snacks for Father Christmas and a little note to thank him for his visit. This evening we read The Polar Express which is one of my favourite Christmas books. Partly because we have the audio CD and when #1 was much younger, we’d listen to it in the car regardless of the season. Partly because I do still believe. And as much as this year has been exhausting, for us and for the children, and how daily it feels like what we can and can’t do is ever changing and not always in our favour, I am looking forward to joyful moments with my family and working out how we can see our family and friends in the ways that we can. I’m looking forward to taking a few days to step back, as we look ahead to a brighter new year. However you may be celebrating, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a belief that we will be sparkling together with a full glass in hand not too far away. xx

Six hours of single focus time

Some of you have already experienced that joyous Back to School feeling and by Thursday morning that will be me too. All three will finally be back to school after five months and 20 days in total. The question now is not whether they will go back to school but how long will they stay in school for. However, let’s not dwell on that for too long and take the shine off a whole SIX HOURS of single focus time. I can’t call it free time as I still have to work, but imagine being able to hold a train of thought, carry it through to a full sentence, a paragraph even, that will get written down without it being interrupted by a yell of ‘Mummy, where are you?’. That will be a work goal achievement.

Come Friday though, I’m going to sit in my house and enjoy the silence, all by myself (because I’m going to send Husband to his office.) I’m not going to tidy up, do laundry, vacuum, declutter or prepare dinner. Not for this first Friday at least. I’m going to enjoy sitting down and I might even have an afternoon nap. Maybe after a few weeks, I might even contemplate using my newly appreciated ‘free’ time and think about doing some of the things that was suggested at the beginning of lock down. When we were encouraged to view this fallow period as an opportunity to grow. The only things that have grown are an expanding waistline, the laundry pile and a short fuse.

Ah. The short fuse. Forever present during normal times let alone having to live all parts of your life at the same time, in the same space. Working, home schooling, household jobs, socialising. I felt like I was living Julia Donaldson’s book A Squash and a Squeeze. You thought before was busy? Try everything altogether. Then you might rethink things. I do. Even today, the last day before slowly filtering them all off to school has not been the zen like day of reflection I envisaged. Four and a half hours of Zoom calls worked around a supermarket dash for packed lunch supplies and a final school uniform check. Throw in a bit of cajoling of #1 to finish off some more ‘bridging work’ set two months ago, and a request for #2 and #3 to tidy up their bedrooms being met with indifference (again), just peppered the day with a bit too much volume. Mostly from me. Sigh.

Speaking for myself, I couldn’t sustain a good balance of homeworking whilst homeschooling. It would just lead to more of the above. No matter how I tried to get organised (big massive box of snacks left out on the kitchen counter), or set boundaries (do not enter if the door is closed and you can hear unfamiliar voices coming out of the laptop), or worked even more ‘flexibly’. I just find it impossible. And the stress of the early days of lock down, of trying to work normal working hours and be very present, whilst trying to make it all seem not very unusual at all for #1, 2 and 3. I think back to just a few months ago and wish I hadn’t put that pressure on myself and to accept more readily that I clearly wouldn’t be able to work at the same capacity. The ironic thing is that when I first started Gainful Employment again, my concern was how would I get through the school holidays? Turns out, I got much more work done during the holidays without home schooling than when they were ‘in school’. And remember those discussions we had on how long this year’s summer holidays were at seven weeks and three days compared to the more doable six weeks and two days? Well I think we can all just now go fnar to that.

So definitely, these children need to be back to school where they can be the children that I’ve read about in their school reports. The Mummy Magic that makes wonderful things happen, just doesn’t seem to extend to the more useful practical things like getting #1, 2 and 3 to do something I ask for the second time I’ve asked. First time is being far too ambitious. If I was granted super powers, I’d ask for the authority of a teacher please.

I know that they’re ready for school. They’ve been ready ever since they realised they wouldn’t be able to hang out with their friends every day when first told schools were closing. Yay, no school! But you also can’t see your friends. Oh. That was so tough. My heart will remember how they felt at that moment, long after they do I hope. But right now, things have changed again and they have been able to play with friends the whole summer and see family. It really is time that they went back to school where they are the bright, inquisitive and polite young people their teachers are shaping them up to be. It may work a bit differently to how it did six months ago but I don’t think any of them will be phased by it because they love their school and they trust their teachers.

So, after all this and all the times I’ve said that I’m so tired from all the juggling, the late nights, the lack of structure, the bickering, the amount of time spent on food preparation, that I now say out loud how I will miss them when they are all back to school. I know. I also know that they will find this hard to believe after hearing me say on more than one occasions recently that I think they’re ready to go back and I am ready for them to go back and all the wonderful things I’ll get to do again. Like sit and have a coffee somewhere with other grown ups. Or have lunch on a Friday, (as suggested by their Godparent) and have not one but two glasses of wine at lunchtime because pick up isn’t until 3.30pm in the new world and that extended 15 mins just seems to give you so much more time to contemplate a second glass.

There’s a big part of me that is thankful, #1, 2 and 3 are just the right age to still enjoy our company and go on all the walks and outdoor excursions without too much resistance. For us and perhaps for them even, they will have lasting memories of the things that we did do and the places we went to that we otherwise wouldn’t have done these past five and a half months. I hope that as the days and weekends fill up again, that we find time to continue doing some of these things still.

As the children begin each new school year, they’re moving on up and embarking on a whole new adventure that we ourselves went on. The feeling of ‘I can’t wait until when I’m older, I get to do this all by myself.’ It’s exciting for them and daunting too as they move a little bit further away from where you are as the centre of their world. I know this is exactly how it should be. Especially as #1 starts high school and wanders off in his school tie and slightly too big blazer that must last two years and smart shoes. With lock down, it gave us this extra time we had with them all, it’s a feeling not too dissimilar to the time before we waved them off on their very first day of school. You’ve had them all day every day for years and you can’t wait for them to start school so you can have just a bit of time to do something else even if you don’t know what that something else is! You just want to have the possibility of doing something else all by yourself. And you know it’s going to be great, but you can’t quite believe it’s going to happen and still it takes a while to get used to. That’s how it feels.

It has been hard work, frustrating and at times looooong, so long. It will be strange adjusting back to a more ‘normal’ routine. How quiet the house will feel. But I’m sure it won’t be long before SIX HOURS of single focus time won’t feel long enough. Enjoy yours.

School shoes by the front door

It feels such a long time ago that murmurings of nationwide school closures were about to hit. It seemed inevitable considering the same measures had been taken elsewhere in other countries ahead of the UK in terms of Covid-19 spread. The idea of schools closing seemed unbelievable and very daunting that something so fundamental to the fabric of our everyday, normal lives should take this turn.

At the same time, discussions at my place of work of possible office closure and home working for everyone who could, were going ahead. I already home work two days a week but that’s with the support of school taking care of two thirds of the working day and filling in a few hours elsewhere was manageable. The weight of pressure fell imminently, imagining how and when work would happen with #1, 2 and 3 at home all the time. What would my team think about how much work I was going to achieve? Would they think I was slacking off every day?

The fact that we were in the midst of a global pandemic and perhaps there may be some level of dispensation didn’t quite cross my mind at the time. We get paid to do a job on the understanding that in exchange we do that job and the guilt of not being able to do that job well because we all have to StayAtHome didn’t really sink in for a while. Of course I still want to do my job well but how I manage to do that now we are 12 weeks in, has changed shape. As has being realistic with myself on what can be reasonably achieved. And the pressure to work at the same level of productivity was entirely generated from my own sense of responsibility (because I get paid for it), and nothing to do with any pressure issued from my place of work who have been nothing less than supportive.

Trying to put any boundaries in place for homeschooling to work harmoniously alongside home working has been impossible. In the first few weeks, if I were on a work Zoom call, a child might realise that Mummy’s on a work call and slip away quietly. Or they might feel a bit curious and come and look at all my Team on screen, give a wave and slip away quietly. But quite quickly they became used to this intrusion on their daily home lives and showed less and less concern for the work zoom call. And clearly, giving instructions that if the door is closed, it means I’m on a call and DO NOT DISTURB had zero meaning. What they actually heard was ‘if the door is closed just open it and hover. If hovering doesn’t work then feel free to ask what alternative snacks can you have’. Because that’s basically the most frequently asked question of the day. Even though the jumbo sized treasure chest of snacks is right there on the kitchen counter. I recently had #1, 2 and 3 make an appearance during one half hour call, all asking for snacks.

So just from that, how well do you think my homeschooling charges respect my homeschooling authority? Firstly, understanding the work would be helpful. Luckily for me, #3  has video links to most of her lessons that give me a heads up before we attempt the actual work. Just on Friday, I was sat helping #2 with her Maths challenge and she decided that she wasn’t going to attempt one of the questions because it was too hard. Which was quite a relief for me too as I have to admit the answer didn’t come naturally to me either, so I’m going to quietly give it a go after I’ve written this just to prove a point to myself, and maybes to Husband who clearly does get it.

Speaking to other parents, homeschooling provision has varied for each of us. We are fortunate that all KS2 children in our school has access to a school iPad. Slightly controversial decision at the time of launch but the benefits of which cannot be denied in the midst of this new era of homeschooling. So as such, #1 and 2 have been guided very well with a scheduled timetable and daily online lessons for Maths and English plus a weekly class social. To be honest, #1 and 2 have been very self reliant on organising themselves for homeschooling.

#2 though. Well. I look back on these past 12 weeks and I know my report as a homeschooling teacher would definitely read ‘tries to rush through the work but could improve with more dedication and patience’. I don’t know how long she’s had me hoodwinked but it all began with ‘Mummy, I’ll wear headphones to listen to the instructions on the videos  so I don’t disturb your work.’ Brilliant I thought. Little did I know that after ten minutes of school video, the rest of the time she was watching My Little Pony videos.

There will never be a balance between concentrating on my own work and helping #1, 2 and 3 with theirs in the same daylight hours. I am switching between parent, caterer, employee and home teacher all at the same time. This brings multi tasking to a level beyond my ability and that has led to many instances of frustration at a situation that is unreasonable as we try to make it reasonable.

As the weeks have turned into months, we have come to an unspoken agreement that we will try our hand at all given tasks but on some days, things just won’t work out and we will all be ok with that. Instead, on random days perhaps I will finish trying to work a bit earlier and also give myself a break. Enjoy the sunshine when it appears. Take time away from the home.

Home schooling has been brilliant for coming up with quiz questions which I’ve tried out on both my colleagues and friends. As an example:

• How did long did the Trojan War last for?
• Who were the brothers of Zeus?
• What’s the most poisonous animal in the world?

For us, there are only five more weeks of the academic school year left. And these weeks will whizz by, which has been surprising to find out during this time of lockdown, where we thought we would have less activity to occupy our time. It will be a very different kind of end of school year feeling. No Sports Days. No schools shows. No end of school year school Mums outing.

And this year, for #1 coming to the end of his primary school career, there will be none of the usual planned celebrations this would involve. I would have loved knowing what role #1 could have had in the Year 6 Leavers Show, I would be shedding tears at the Year  6 Leavers Assembly and I would be feeling that tug in my heart as we prepare these Year 6 children for high school. But I don’t feel this is as much of a loss as it is for those who should have completed their A-levels or in their final year at University. The end of an era for them is much more significant..

But as you all know, in this ever changing world, just as you get used to one thing, something else happens. And so after 11 weeks and 3 days of homeschooling, #1 returned to proper school last week. The decision whether he would return wasn’t one that came easily as we contemplated a number of factors around enabling the family to StaySafe, and deciding what that means for us. Ultimately the decision was taken jointly with #1, as we all don’t know what this new school life would look like and he is the one we are sending out into the world on his own as the rest of us StayAtHome.

As we walked to school, I realised that not since he was five years old, have I taken just #1 to school on his own. He has been used to walking to school with his friends for over a year and if not there would #2 and 3 alongside him. It is a rare opportunity to have these moments when in our other world, we would be doing more to encourage greater independence. I watched him from over the road as he walked through the gates on his own, I exhaled the nervousness I felt probably more so than him and that was that. By the time I finished chatting to a few parents I hadn’t seen in months and picked up a few groceries, a sound I haven’t heard in a long while could be heard from the direction of school. The sound of children of playing together.

As it turns out, school, no matter how it works, is still school. A familiar place. A place where you know there are rules to be followed respectfully. Perhaps most of all, a place where your friends are. It has never been more apparent to me, the value of an education not just in terms of learning but also for the social richness of having a network of peers around you. No matter how much you try and involve yourself in their world of play, you will never have the time, capacity or interest to dissect their topic of interest to the nth degree. That’s what their friends are for.

I do feel for those parents who don’t have the choice of whether their school aged children can go back to school or not. The thought of five more weeks of school on top of the twelve already past, plus another six or seven weeks of school holidays is enough to weaken the knees of the most ardent optimist inside us all. Whilst initially apprehensive, I am thankful that #1 is back to school, I can see that he will gain a lot from it and doesn’t seem fazed by the new system but has noticed the better quality hand soap and softer, more absorbent hand towels.

It doesn’t give me any more time for my own home working but it does make a difference in easing the relentless demands for food administration and refereeing of home dynamics. As we move into a new school/working week I will no doubt make the same promises of increased productivity whilst home working and lower levels of noise pollution whilst home schooling. Let’s see how long that lasts for.

Just one pair of well worn school shoes are waiting by our front door ready for school tomorrow, I wonder when the other two pairs will join them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seven weeks in

We’ve reached that stage of lockdown where #1 has commented on my ‘strong language’. And on one occasion, perhaps more, my family have kindly overlooked the casual dropping in of the F word.

Of course I’m not proud of it. But neither could I help myself either.  It is not just the children who are capable of throwing the odd tantrum and at least I didn’t throw myself full body onto the ground. Tempting as that may seem. Even more tempting was to take myself back to bed.

Today has been another one of those days where not as much as I would have liked has been achieved. But unlike two weeks ago, I finally got my head around the fact that it’s quite alright. I’ll get the work done tomorrow. Schoolwork will get done tomorrow. The ironing will get done tomorrow. Actually the ironing will not get done tomorrow. It will pile up into a fabric mountain like always.

When everyone is in the house and in each other’s company as much as we find ourselves right now, it’s little wonder that the melting pot of emotions can run high. The wise thing to do would be to soothe and diffuse situations like the calm, zen Grown Up parent I aspire to be, instead of react in the same way in my default mode. The trouble is, at times #1, 2 and 3 are a bit too much like me. Indeed. And as much as I like this fact, when you’re having a stand off then that doesn’t go in my favour. No.

Stand offs are not unusual in our household. We all want to win the argument. They just feel magnified and more intense for everyone when there are fewer options to flounce off to. But as quickly as they arise, they can dissipate just as fast. Small children can bounce back from these incidents far better than the Grown Ups who tend to store them up before eruption follows of a seismic size. Possibly that’s just me. I hope you are far better than that.

We are living in extraordinary times. And as much as I thought there’d be lots of free time to fill, I find that there is surprisingly little. The days and weeks can go by quite fast. Already we are in week seven of this odd world and I can see that we have all adapted to this new way of living. The continuation of the working and school week provides the same structure, as difficult as managing all of it together may feel.  Our new weekends are no longer encumbered with parkruns, homework or ferrying small people around so we are at liberty to do as we please.

We have fallen into a new routine of a long family walk exploring new paths around where we live and if there are positives to remember from this time then these moments would be among them. Keeping ourselves entertained has evolved quite naturally now that we have settled into things. Initially, there was quite a lot of activity flying around social media with inventive ideas on how to fill our time. In truth, I barely looked up many of them because I know I have a myriad of half started projects as it is. Why burden myself with more as much as I would love to and acknowledging that has made me feel so much more balanced.

 

As is recognising when it’s time for any one of us to have some ‘me’ time too. The sound of raised voices and frustrated cries is to be expected at times, but I am all for creating a better environment to hear less of it.  And as we all know, enabling friendships to grow is all important. I’m hearing more often from #1, 2 and 3 a request to see if we can go pay this or that friend a window wave. Or if we can arrange a chat with this or that friend. I see them create new games that can be played at this new socially acceptable distance apart. I overhear them recount things they’ve done on Zoom socials and afterwards they feel so much better. In much the same way that Grown Ups do. We all need to talk things through. We all need something that is our thing alone.

As I mentioned earlier on, it’s taken some weeks to accept that I can’t do everything and that I don’t have to. Some of you have been telling me this for awhile but it takes a bit of time to feel it. I think social media has also caught up with the fact that not for everyone is it possible to take more advantage of this downtime in useful ways. Now more than ever is it important to pay less heed to the glossy images on various platforms.

Some new things will be achieved like #3 learning to ride a bike, another good thing to remember from this time and my new foray into home crafting. But if the house is still not decluttered after all this, then I simply advise that you just don’t venture upstairs when you are allowed back in.

I hope you and yours are all in good health and please be kind to yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learn something new they say

With all social commitments on hold, I know that this presents a great opportunity to take a step back and use this extra free time to do all those things that we keep putting off or wistfully wish we could do if only we had the time.

I am not short of jobs that need doing. I even came across a job that I didn’t even know needed doing. I opened up my wardrobe and had a good look at the mish mash of stuff shoved in there since we moved into our current home a year ago that is still waiting to be sorted out. So far, I’ve re-Marie Kondo-ed my t-shirt drawer, folded all my jumpers neatly, cleaned the oven hob so that it sparkled nicely and sorted out some jars on a shelf in the kitchen. It may not seem that obvious to anyone else but I know these areas are looking that much sparkier in joy…

As we near towards the end of week three in lock down, I recall an article I read on all the great positive activities we can engage ourselves with during this period of downtime. Learn a new craft, skills share, read as many books as you can, cook mindfully, dig up your garden – basically anything you fancied. It filled me with such ambition for our back garden that I bought a spade and some seeds that are waiting to be potted into the many toilet roll tubes I’ve been collecting. The spade is still sitting in the shed. I’ve given the back garden a bit of a prod with it but Husband (ever the practical one) has suggested I do ‘research’ on how to dig up your back garden first. And the toilet roll tubes remain in the bathroom.

Instead of clearing old jobs, I fear I may be at risk of adding to the list. Especially when I noticed whilst others were stockpiling tinned goods, I had been stockpiling laundry.

In all fairness to myself, I don’t think I’m going to learn how to play the piano in the next few weeks, though I really would love to. I’m still working out the balance between work and when not to work and check on the amount of school work that #3 has been doing when she nods blithely at you as you ask how many pieces of work has been done. Then believing it to be true until you do an end of week audit and the figures don’t match.

So I thought about it some more and concluded that I should try and become better at something I really need to improve at. Hence I dug out my still rather shiny bike I’ve had for about five years now. Previously mostly ridden by Husband, but that has now come to an abrupt stop after I generously let him borrow it last week and he proceeded to do bunny hops and cycle in a manner that I can only call reckless.

Respect the wheels.

I can ride a bike if that’s what you’re wondering. If only in a straight line. On a flat would be preferable. For 30 something years, I’ve still not been able to indicate left or right. I tried again at the weekend and it’s still not happening. I marvel at what magical force keeps you upright. And the speed and carefree manner people whizz down a hill. How is that not utterly terrifying?

I’ve always wanted the confidence to ride my bike places. It looks so amazingly liberating. And naturally, because this is not something I can do well at all, I want #1, 2 and 3 to be suitably proficient. And they are. Well #1 and 2 are but #3 less interested.  And because of them, I’ve had to push myself way beyond my own comfort zone. On my bike, on a real road and not pavement at that. My only saving grace is that during this lock down period, there has been no traffic on the roads at all. It’s my safest chance of cycling around the streets of my local ‘hood.

I’ve had a really great time out there, taking up the whole road as I pedal uphill and floating downhill at a pace I would be able to overtake myself at if I were on foot. I think I’ve been out on my bike six or seven times in the past two weeks which is more than in the rest of the whole five years since I’ve had it. I do think those who have witnessed me on a bike would still give me a wide berth if they saw me pedalling from a far. But Husband says I’m improving. He probably has to say that. So let me tell you that #1 and 2 have been complimenting me on my cycling proficiency. Their confidence has definitely grown and it is a lovely adventure to share with them. I particularly value their encouragement and these memories of cycling around our neighbourhood, discovering new routes and things to see, struggling uphill just to wave at dear friends through their windows. Arriving out of breathe and with thighs that are burning from the effort, wondering why on earth we didn’t think about taking the car when pre-lock down that mode of transport was perfectly acceptable.

And I am a bit proud of myself too. I doubt I’ll ever be super speedy or have the stamina for mile upon mile but it’s a start. So if you see my out on the roads, please don’t be offended if I don’t wave at you. It’s best that I keep both hands on the handlebars for your good health and mine.

Whilst there should be no pressure at all to manage everything at home and work and all other commitments, I hope like me, there is something that you are enjoying doing to fill this time. Something that just makes you think that was time spent well, whatever you choose it to be and adds some sparkle to your day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep your distance

Overnight we went from feeling comfortable with sitting next to each other, to a distance away that you would usually only keep if you were in a hurry to get away from someone you didn’t really want to stay and chat to.

It feels quite unnatural, but not impossible, to keep a 2 meter radius around me. For future reference, I think my preferred distance is about 35 to 50cm depending on how well I know you. It is quite cumbersome to hold conversations with people which are now no longer private as everyone is privy to your business. I’m probably only catching half of what you’re saying to me so if its important, best follow it up with a text.

This first week has been experimental to see how we will adapt to our new routine. I had no expectations of myself or anyone else to get through it without some form of raised voice discussion at regular intervals. There is home schooling to think of, Gainful Employment to think of, extra meals to think of, health and well being of everyone we know to think of, not just here but in many parts of the globe. It’s an odd thing to realise that everyone I know anywhere, is affected by this pandemic. It’s just bizarre and surreal.

It is enough to get through the day with #1, 2 and 3 up and ready for home learning. As the new ‘teacher’ I must admit that my role has been made so much easier by the real teachers who have worked exceptionally hard with producing a weekly structure of lesson planning for each year group. #1 and 2 have two online lessons in the morning for English and Maths and an afternoon do it yourself session that covers Science, IT, PE, and general topic. For this first week, #1 and 2 have thankfully shown no resistance to getting on with the school schedule. #3 is a slightly different matter and we have ended the week sharing co-working space where she gets on with her work and I get on with mine at the same desk. In terms of productivity, she is definitely doing much better in contributing to output per capita than I am, having finished at least two pieces of work before I’ve even finished my daily morning video call.

It is a challenge finding the focus to complete my own work during daylight hours and being pulled between role as parent and responsible co-worker in a matter of seconds. To think for the past four months, a normal working from home day felt like a juggle switching swiftly between two roles during school hours and after school hours. Having to do it at the very same time is quite something else. I am trying to be as productive as I can but I barely got started and I am hopeful next week will create a different rhythm for all of us. To be honest, all of us in my team are finding our feet with remote working and there is no such thing as whether you will find it more or less easier with or without young children thrown into the mix.

It is interesting to see just how much #1, 2 and 3 value going to school and the routine and social aspects of school. Some days may run more smoothly than others and what I know of this time is only what they choose to tell at the end of each day. Usually it’s been ‘good’ is the extent I get when asking them how was their day. It is a relief that they do enjoy going to school. The flip side is how much they currently miss it. The social fabric of school has been taken away from them quite suddenly and it took a few days for all of them to realise that there would be no casual meet ups and play dates going on during this time. There was no easy way to say this and that changed the initial excitement of bringing home the iPads for home learning.

In this past week, we have had big angry bursts of frustration, we’ve had tears, we’ve had memories of losing other family members resurface as talk of saving lives dominates the news. I fully expected some parts of this but not others. Attempting to calm, reassure and soothe the emotions of young children without Covid-19 looming everywhere is challenging enough. This is an unknown entity. How best to navigate it?

The responsibility of Gainful Employment and home schooling is important. But right now, it’s more important to look after yourself and those around you. What is it that I can do that will help them and others get through this day. Like I said earlier, this week was experimental to see what parts worked well and what needs to change a bit next week. I think the reality of what we’re about to embark upon hasn’t quite sunk in.  I’ve been responding to change as it happens and thinking ahead of what needs doing. Trying hard not to think that far ahead and speculate that this could possibly be for the next few months.

In this strange time of social distancing, I am thankful that I have Husband and #1, 2 and 3 bustling around. Filling the house with noise, even if sometimes it’s not the right kind of noise, and being able to have the warmth of a hug and sit close to each other. This first week has been quite full on and I haven’t had opportunity to think about all the lovely things that have been suggested we could do with more time on our hands. It is a start though, that there’s been more time to listen to #3 read aloud her first chapter book and to sit and finally start building that Lego set with #1 and to ride a bike with #2. To eat every meal together and to have this time as disparate as it may be.

Take each day slowly. Together, we will help each other through this with love, humour and the best support we can be.