A decade ago…

It’s Birthday Eve and I’m reflecting on how I started this blog a decade ago. TEN YEARS! How this time has passed by seemingly in the blink of an eye.

But how much has changed too. And I don’t just mean the obvious ones like an abundance of grey hairs (what to do about them when one is so very lazy about dedicating regular appointments for personal grooming) and the need for reading glasses (definite game changer).

I would never say I had any more answers, perspective or experience on any given subject matter than I did a decade ago. There will always be something new to navigate but also always something to be joyful about. And after experiencing some of my saddest days personally and outwardly over global concerns, I really feel it’s time to look ahead and spend the next year feeling all the positives

Happy Birthday Eve to me. I spent the afternoon with #1, 2 and 3 eating waffles because who can ever say No to waffles.

Paying our respects to Her Majesty

Days of sadness culminated in the most spectacular display of pomp and ceremony absolutely befitting Her Majesty, the late Queen Elizabeth II and it is quite true that those images will live with me for much time to follow. In celebration, the display of polished and immaculate pageantry is impressive. In mourning, the pride and duty of all who played a part in such a momentous occasion was clear to see and it made me feel so proud to see all those people whose day jobs is to protect and serve their country, carry out their roles with such composure and dignity. The Bearer Party alone had me sending them all the positive energy I could muster.

It’s an odd feeling to be quite so emotional about the passing of someone I have never met before and I find it a bit embarrassing to admit the depth of sadness that I’ve felt since being told by a colleague that the Queen had died whilst I was sat outside a pub having an after work drink after a very busy day that had meant there was no time to closely follow the events about raised concerns of the Queen’s health that day.

Though I don’t think it’s possible to be told about the death of someone, whether you knew them well or not, without in that very moment feeling a level of empathy knowing the grief that comes with losing someone you love very much. Watching all the television coverage of the Queen’s journey from Balmoral, to Edinburgh, to London and to her final resting place in Windsor over the past week has had me in tears every single time. And watching a family, as privileged as they are, having their grief on display for everyone to see, perform ceremonial duties, comfort members of the public and help young children come to terms with bereavement is beyond my own imagination.

Last year, watching the funeral of Prince Philip was also an emotional moment. Not least the image of the late Queen sitting on her own, abiding by the same Covid-19 restrictions affecting the nation. The Queen, and the Monarchy, but more so the Queen has been so much a part of my own life that it feels difficult to imagine a world without her in it. I recently read an article which said one of her Ladies in Waiting described their role as being in the business of happiness. And that is quite true. For in a world full of challenge, how refreshing is it that a photo of the Queen pops up, smiling and doing her bit to raise spirits.

I remember as a child, when you only newspapers and televisions with channels you can count on one hand to tell you anything about the global world, our whole family showing a great interest in the Queen and Prince Philip making a state visit to China. We followed their visit keenly on the tv. Possibly recorded it on VHS tapes. It was fascinating to follow places that they went to, in a time when air travel was a luxury and China was so far away and holidays just unheard of in my family. I imagine it felt a proud moment for my family that people could see and perhaps understand more about Chinese culture. Technically my own cultural heritage but I felt so removed from it with living in the UK my whole life and times not being so diverse as it is now that it was a big education for me too.

And then when we lived in Singapore, how else do you define yourself as an Expatriate of the country you’d just left and remain to close but through celebrating all things relating back to your home nation. It just so happened in that time there were some milestone events such as the Royal Wedding, London 2012 and the Diamond Jubilee. All happy, joyful occasions to bring people together for a party and without any of the cynicism that can be found at times to mar such times. Even today and the past week or so since the Queen died there has been more effort made by people to come together than to keep apart.

I myself, had the chance to meet up with family members and together we made the trip to London, expecting nothing but just for the chance to do something to show our respects for a Queen who had had a very lasting impact on us. We went down to London to Green Park to lay our own flowers among the many already there to show in some small way that her commitment to her people was definitely noticed and appreciated. In times of such change, the repeated message about the Queen’s commitment to duty, service and doing what’s right is immensely reassuring. It’s symbolic and being able to rely on something, someone being constant. There aren’t many people who you can feel that about. And I guess that’s why her passing brings out such grief in me. The surety that her face would pop up in the news, on social media, every Christmas Day is just what I took for granted. The familiarity of something in your life, once again gone.

But one shouldn’t be sad for a life lived well and long. And definitely due a rest. It is sad but also hopeful too as documentaries and history will reflect on her life and how she conducted herself in such changing times to modernise herself and the Monarchy. Witnessing King Charles’ grief, made so public, that alone would make me want to give his reign the same support and interest that I never really knew I had in the Royal Family.

May Her Majesty rest in eternal peace. I will miss you. Thank you for everything.

Love is……..showing your friends you care

Often so much hinges on days like today. St. Valentine’s Day. Of course it’s lovely to receive a card and gifts with declarations of love. But love is many forms and expressed in many different ways. Small acts of kindness that can change how you feel. And don’t we need more acts of kindness these days. And so this St. Valentine’s Day, #3 wrote out little tags with the names of her best friends of both genders and took to school roses for each of them and some teachers too. And #2 made up a lovely hamper of chocolates for the whole family to share. And #1 went on a run with me without complaining.

And that’s all that needs to be said for today.

2021 Year End Review

So we’ve got through 2021. Hoorah to us!

And can I say what an odd year it’s been. I don’t know if you care to think back to the start of the year and that third ‘lockdown’. I don’t think I have felt as exhausted as I did in February when there was a lot to juggle with home schooling and home working. I don’t think anyone has truly felt rested since the pandemic began despite all this time at home. When at home you do all the home chores that need doing and never the lounging about that you think you might do. I remember on Valentine’s Day that Husband took #1, 2 and 3 on a walk to give me an hour to myself in our own home and that was such a treat!

Ah, how I miss just having time to myself in my own home or anywhere even. It made the commute to the office a luxury! May there be more of that in 2022. Not so much commuting but taking time for yourself. We should all be much better at that. So take a moment to think of what those things may be.

And may there be much more of those many things in 2022. Like trips away at home and overseas. Weekends visiting friends. Meals out. Theatre and live music. Time at home because we choose to be home. Walks outdoors and an appreciation of the simple things.

This year hasn’t passed by without nothing being achieved even though I’ve barely been on my blog. Let’s see. Well I’ve ran over 1,000 miles. I’ve finished crocheting my monster king size blanket so that it feels nice and toasty in my bed this winter. I’ve had squidgy soft baby cuddles with new family members. I’ve progressed at work and feel more confident in what I do. I’ve spent time with family without that tinge of fear. I’ve soaked up sea air. I’ve spent time in London and all the excitement that brings. I’ve taken #2 and 3 for their first West End theatre experience. I’ve seen puffins. I’ve cooked and baked an extraordinary amount. And so much more come to think of it.

More importantly, I’ve watched #1, 2 and 3 navigate this pandemic period with resilience and good spirits. It’s almost like they are taking each new opportunity and making the most of it because they can. I’m really proud of them.

I feel this year has definitely passed by with much less fear than 2020 but I can also say that I haven’t seen my family any more often. And that does makes me sad. But there’s also optimism that 2022 will make a difference with all the vaccines and positivity that comes with it so that we can all enjoy our time together. I’ve missed so much time with people and I can’t wait to see them again soon.

In this household we’ve just come out of 16 days of Covid-19 making an appearance and quite symbolic that we are all testing negative on the last day of the year. And so on that note, let us look to the new year with hope. Whatever you’re doing I wish you a very peaceful end to 2021 and may 2022 start with renewed energy and the chance we might see a lot more people and enjoy many happy times together.

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

Out running 2021

I only discovered Strava in November 2020. So perhaps it’s the novelty of tracking every single sporty thing you do that has helped me end this year having ran a total distance of 1650 km/1025 miles! Slightly less notable is logging 25.5km on my bike, but that probably comes as no surprise to those who know me well and have seen me out cycling. If there’s a cycling proficiency course for grown ups, do let me know.

For me, it wasn’t intentional to get to 1,000 miles this year but I was so inspired by a friend of mine who achieved this goal in 2020 and I quietly gave the idea some thought. It seemed such a big number and commitment of time. Could I really run at least 135 km a month when there seemed to be so little time to do all the things that I needed to do. I wasn’t new to running but there was always someone to run with or a short term goal to aim for. I don’t think I’ve actually ran consistently for more than six months.

But then we started 2021 with lockdown number 3 and with that came more home schooling and home working and you don’t need me to remind you how much fun that was. And so I gave myself license to take a bit of time to myself. To run whenever the mood and circumstance allowed. It was the best gift I could give myself.

Getting outdoors was such a release from the confines of not being able to plan anything or go anywhere. But going out for a run did get me places. It gave me time on my own to decompress and gather my thoughts. I have become one of those people who advocates all kinds of weather running, especially since I got my first pair of trail shoes. Gamechanger! Even when it was snowing and freezing cold, it was liberating! To feel the cold on my cheeks nothing less than exhilarating and to have the freedom and space to see something new, even when running the same paths week after week. Because if you look closely, no one place ever looks the same.

Winter running with snowdrops and crocuses turned to spring daffodils and the first crop of wild garlic. And then lockdown 3 ended with a tentative return to other social events where you could see other people. I can see from my Strava logs that running took a bit of a back seat then but still it kept me going on days that became a bit too noisy. To put on my running shoes and go out for a run in the early evening sunset, past groups of people languishing with picnics in the park. You don’t realise just how much easier it is to run in the cooler months until autumn hits and there’s a quicker pace to your step and you see other runners and you start telling them too how lovely it is to be out in the fresher air. Because you do that once you start running. You start chatting to other runners about running. And that’s one of my favouritest things to do when running is just pootling along and having a chat with another runner. It solves all manners of things you need to get off your chest.

I’m really pleased to have achieved over 1,000 miles of running this year. It’s been a wonderful experience and throughout this odd year it has definitely kept me grounded. I’ve enjoyed the time on my own, or spent running with others. I don’t know whether I’ll still keep up the same mileage in 2022 or try and run a half marathon every month. I think I need to branch out into other forms of sport like stretching out these tired limbs or perhaps practicing road safety on my bike more.

If you’re contemplating the idea of picking up running in the new year, I hope you do. And I hope you enjoy every single moment of getting outdoors and if ever you need a bit of company, I’m there.

• 

I still believe…

You don’t need me to tell you that Christmas isn’t all about the presents. But this time last week, there were almost no presents to be found in this household! In fact a frantic weekend was to be had of what can only be described as a spree of haphazard panic shopping. Besides a big dose of late preparation, what else could fuel such an event than a presence of the Covid in the family nine days before Christmas. Not just one dollop but two. So it goes to reason that the chances of more out of the five of us could catch it was highly possible.

The ease of online shopping obviously helps. Plus the generous offer from friends to help pick up groceries for Christmas dinner after I realised the only Christmas dinner contribution I had at that point was some cranberries. Essential definitely. But rather redundant without a side of something to go with it.

So as each morning passed with a negative result from both Husband and myself, we got one step closer to being Christmas ready. But whilst there would be presents on Christmas morning and Christmas dinner at some point later that day, and getting all these things ready is part of the fun and tradition of this festive season, the shine was rather lacklustre.

Perhaps largely due to impact of the Covid symptoms, #1, 2 and 3 were less than forthcoming with a Christmas wish list, let alone writing a letter to Father Christmas. Especially for #3 who wouldn’t be able to take her own letter to the postbox. It’s enough to make your heart sigh, wondering if this is when you stop believing in the magic because with those days of isolation and testing, there could be no guarantee that any plans you wanted to make would actually happen. And if anyone needed to be an Elf this year, I certainly knew of a couple who could do with that kind of sparkle.

Christmas is a feeling. Of warmth and joy at parties with friends, reunions with family, walks in the cold to get a hot chocolate whilst being surrounded by pretty twinkling lights. Nine days may not seem like a long time but it can feel like a long time when you’re a young child and one of the most exciting, magical times of the year is happening outside and you want to be part of it. And so, as luck and chance would have it, it’s Christmas Eve and all test negative so we can get outdoors to enjoy the cold fresh air together with family for hot chocolate and red wine, a visit to see Father Christmas pop down a chimney and Elves teaching you Elfy stuff, an evening of getting properly Christmas Day ready with food out for the reindeer, magic dust and a poem to unleash the power of Christmas everywhere.

This Christmas Eve, I cannot be more thankful that we got to do everything we wanted to share some hope, joy and fun and see big happy smiles and restore some of the excitement that being a child at Christmas is all about. And I can honestly say that I still do believe in the magic of Christmas.

Perhaps this will also remind me to get myself more organised earlier next year. Well, that would be too much of a Christmas miracle!

Merry Christmas Eve to you and yours. x

• 

A pandemic Birthday Eve

It’s Birthday Eve! To think I started this little blog of mine exactly eight years ago. Full of nerves, excitement and things to say about the past and present. But I’ve barely posted since we found ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic. Just saying ‘global pandemic’ out loud sounds bizarre and surreal. But hopefully, 17 months later, we can begin to believe that we’re slowly emerging out of a world that may be changed in many ways but looking a lot less uncertain. I feel like I’m waiting at traffic lights and even though it’s green for Go, I’m still hovering at the flashing amber stage.

I guess it will take me a while longer to get used to planning ahead again. To remember the days of filling out a diary months in advance. Whilst it will be lovely to be able to do that, to have special occasions to look forward to, it also feels slighting daunting to even think about it. If that makes sense. But that’s not the reason why I’m writing this today. I’ve missed being here and even though there have been many times I’ve wanted to write something, somehow it just didn’t feel quite right. But maybe now that I’ve picked this up again, I might revisit some of those thoughts I’ve had. And other times, it’s been too exhausting at the end of the day with all the different aspects of our daily lives lived under one roof. I don’t think we fully appreciated how much energy it would take when you seemingly have less to do and fewer places to be. And again that didn’t seem worth writing about either.

We’ve all had our own journey to navigate through this pandemic. I’m thankful and I’m hopeful as I think about what is, over what could have been; what’s yet to come, over what should have been. Instead I’m ready for big hugs without judgement, live events, going to new places, seeing familiar faces and sharing food together. I’ve not learnt any new skills but I have improved on a few old ones. I am embracing my new prescription reading glasses and the delights of indulging in a really expensive bubble bath I bought for myself whilst reading a book from the pile of unread ones that stand taller than I do.

I’m ready for another Birthday celebration tomorrow and I can’t wait to see what #1, 2 and 3 have planned. I can tell they are bursting to let me know. In fact some of them have already let me know some of the plans but isn’t it a joy to find that someone else is just as excited for your Birthday as you are.

Love is……..an hour alone in front of the fire

This Valentine’s Day, there is no gift that can match some time alone in the house by myself. The only sounds I can hear right now is the fire crackling as I tap away writing this post. And it feels fabulous! As much as I love the company of others, I also miss pottering around the house on my own. And whilst we’re at it, I miss afternoon power naps. Back in the day, I’d have a Monday power nap. Almost like the effort of the weekend was so exhausting I need an extra little sleep on a Monday to get over it and recharge for the week ahead. Monday power naps were sadly no more when I went back to Gainful Employment and pondered how I’d get through the day without one. There are a million household jobs that need doing and I will get around to doing them. But for now, I’m going to bestow upon myself the gift of not moving off the sofa and enjoy a hot cuppa tea whilst everyone else is out enjoying their daily walk. I say ‘enjoying’ but it’s actually bitingly cold and drizzly out there…

Brighter, warmer days are definitely ahead and I know I’m not alone in feeling that this Lockdown 3.0 is requiring greater amounts of creativity to get through it than the ones before. It’s odd to feel less rested when there’s little to do and fewer people to see but fatigued is definitely the state of where we are at right now. The half term holidays will provide a much welcome break for everyone. Perhaps I am also not alone in acknowledging that there have been a few more moments than usual of cross words being exchanged and misunderstandings that has led to some slamming of internal doors going on. Just us? Well, emotions definitely have been running high and I can also confirm that whilst I am hilarious and good company, #1, 2 and 3 can find that hard to believe on occasion. And some days I AM JUST NOT FUN.

I can see where they are coming from because in addition to all the usual requests such as to pick up clothes lobbed wherever they land, to stop bickering, to put stuff away, to get off one or all forms of tech; we have the addition of ‘have you done your school work?’ Repeated many times a day. I mean, of course they find me tedious. Suffice to say, fuses have been running short of late, mine the most and that’s not how you want the family to feel. Hence why I’m sat on the sofa right now instead of hanging out the laundry. It will help everyone. Even if it does mean no dry socks for a few days.

I’m a bit cynical about the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day but I think we could all do with a little bit more love, kindness and fun right now. So this year’s Valentine’s Day has been a special day of treats for all the family. There is a strict no food upstairs policy in this household and so the idea of Breakfast in Bed caused great excitement this morning as #1, 2 and 3 eagerly awaited their fry up. I come from a culture of feeders, not just a family, and quite often the cooking of favourite foods is the loudest way to say ‘I care about you’ and to visit family for a meal where they’ve cooked all the things you love to eat brings such a welcoming and warm feeling.

Perhaps this is influencing #1 a little too because he kicked us all out of the kitchen for a good hour and a half so he could prepare the family a special Valentine’s Day afternoon treat. With absolutely no help from anyone, he proudly produced a tray of scones and that was a really lovely Valentine’s Day surprise that I thoroughly enjoyed.

With that, I think my home alone time is up and normal behaviour will resume as they all return from the cold and rain.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.

2020 Year End Review

What the hell happened 2020? Do I even have anything to say at the end of you?

I had good intentions of keeping a regular blog this year but as Covid-19 moved from something that was happening over in Asia, to a global pandemic, the inclination to write anything at all waned. It was quite enough to get on with this new way of living in unknown times, adhering to rules and getting confused over what is and isn’t acceptable. But everyone I know, here and over there, have been subjected to the same set of circumstances more or less and that is possibly the most strangest thing of all. That globally we can be experiencing the same thing, albeit in different ways if that makes sense. The joy of scrolling through the social media updates of your global friends is to marvel at the different things and sights there is to do and hoping one day you will get the chance to go visit them and do those things too.

I think we owe ourselves a moment to catch our breath and say how well we’ve done to get ourselves, our family and our friends through a difficult year. From adversity comes creativity and the lengths that some of you have gone to make me and my family feel looked after has been nothing less than wonderful. Kindness definitely has shone brightly this year and for that I am truly thankful.

There have been times when not being able to visit my own family has been unbearable and the snatched moments of time which I have been able to spend with them has been tinged with guilt, wondering whether there are any consequences and only feeling able to relax after two weeks have passed since we last saw them. To the point now, where it almost feels more of a relief to accept we won’t be seeing each other for another while longer than wondering when and for how long can we make a visit. I do miss them.

Whilst we could say that we will be glad to see the last of this year, it’s also true to say that some really good memories have come of it. Perhaps we’re not quite ready to dwell on them over fondly but they’re definitely there. I was looking through my photos and reminded myself this was the year that #3 learnt to ride a bike and I could ride my bike without hazzard to myself and others with no other traffic on the roads. We took holidays in the UK that we always said we wanted to do. #2 discovered how much she enjoyed baking bread. There were lots of sunny days and we got outdoors even in the not so sunny days because we could. #1 took on the Couch to 5k challenge, not his favourite thing to do but he achieved it. We discovered new paths that led right from our doorstep showing us that you don’t always have to venture far to see new things. And I had a great time picking up new crafting skills.

There were challenging and tiring times we have yet to get over and will probably last some way into 2021, lest we kids ourselves. The constant working from home is not the return to gainful employment I envisaged but I also don’t have to think about childcare. The fact I have kept my job is a blessing I’m thankful for. The months of homeschooling. Well, we all know how that is and I can only say that I am doubly thankful that schools re-opened in September. As this pandemic continues, having #1, 2 and 3 back to school in some form or routine and normality is what has made them adjust to all the changes. They have missed that social interaction with their friends and the thrill of classroom learning. It is a joy to see them happy. And of course, not having to homeschool them makes it just a bit more harmonious for everyone.

Did I use Lockdown #1 to declutter and learn to stand on my head? No. That was annoying actually, looking back. I understand that the sudden enforced standstill was bewildering for many and the advice to use this time to do something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have the time for was a positive construct but it wasn’t like that for everyone. I did use Lockdown #2 to run over 250km in 4 weeks for a work team challenge. That was quite a surprise but also came as a reminder that I miss the company of others to run with.

So as we near the end of this rather ridiculous year, I wish you a Happy New Year and good wishes for a much better 2021 for everyone, everywhere. Let’s begin it with new hope and positivity that good times are ahead. Much love. xx

A different Christmas season

It is certainly a very different Christmas this year with pared back but no less meaningful festive trimmings. Christmas lights have been hung up since early November, a bit too early in any other year, rather heart warming in this one. A giant Elf has been doing the rounds in our home town, popping up in different daily locations, getting local businesses involved to spread festive cheer. A dazzling Santa’s post box appeared and even though #1, 2 and 3 sent separate letters, they received one single reply to all of them. Would it even be possible to visit Father Christmas this year? Turns out there are creative geniuses thinking up ways to keep the spirit of Christmas alive and well during these strange times. And I for one, am most pleased that I have been to see a Rocking Santa. I’m not quite sure what #1, 2 and 3 really made of him but why ever not!

After nine months of online meetings that can seriously drag, I’ve just discovered that adding a bottle of bubbles and some Warnicks can suddenly make four hours go by. Time doesn’t just move faster in the depths of some public house it appears. It’s certainly not how we would want to spent this time of year. A time for social gatherings, eating and drinking and being very merry. I’ve missed all that. The joy of putting on something sparkly and being out after dark is just so decadent. Also I have missed the joy of planning family gatherings and get togethers with friends to do more of the eating and drinking and being very merry. The need to keep cupboards full for impromptu guests and afternoon drinks that linger into the late evening, just in case. The cupboards are still full and if the festive booze gets whittled down then it’s quite obvious where it’s gone this year!

I still can’t figure out why Christmas has been one big rush with all the usual festivities more or less cancelled. I’ve got a few things to wrap up after writing this. Maybes it’s because I do things like quadruple the Christmas baking instead of just doubling it and wondering why the pastry is just rolling and rolling out so that I’ve ended up with an assortment of 55 tarts!

Pandemic or no pandemic, Christmas Eve is the domain of excited children anticipating something magical is about to happen. I really felt quite emotional as they went about the business of getting Christmas ready. The reindeer food, the drinks and snacks for Father Christmas and a little note to thank him for his visit. This evening we read The Polar Express which is one of my favourite Christmas books. Partly because we have the audio CD and when #1 was much younger, we’d listen to it in the car regardless of the season. Partly because I do still believe. And as much as this year has been exhausting, for us and for the children, and how daily it feels like what we can and can’t do is ever changing and not always in our favour, I am looking forward to joyful moments with my family and working out how we can see our family and friends in the ways that we can. I’m looking forward to taking a few days to step back, as we look ahead to a brighter new year. However you may be celebrating, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a belief that we will be sparkling together with a full glass in hand not too far away. xx