The here and now and a bit of way back then

I relived my journey to 40 and found there's so much more to say

Three months to go!

on May 12, 2014

I can feel a frisson of excitement, of anticipation, of nerves at the thought of just three months to go before I turn forty! I don’t even know why because I haven’t got any plans in place to mark the occasion. Yet.

I guess it’s just the thought of the date drawing nearer, like any celebrated occasion to come.

Three months is still a long time really. It’s a whole season. A quarter of the year. But it will go by in a flash. Like most days and weeks fall into months as illustrated by endless unfinished To Do Lists and Would Like To Do Lists.

Where once Time passed us by so slowly as we yearned to be just that bit older. Old enough to go out by ourselves. To choose what we wanted to wear. To stay up late. To do whatever we wanted. Old enough just to be able To Do. Without anyone, parents mostly, telling us we can’t.

How quickly those heady days of new found freedom and independence give way to ones of responsibility and commitment. Desired of course. Be it because of partners, work or children. Whether you have some or all of these things, they give us direction that shapes our decisions to do the best we can.

With trying to do our best comes great responsibility and so much to think of. Are we doing the right thing? I don’t question every decision I make but overall I am aware that what I do affects not just myself anymore. I want to do the best for my family and I want to do the best for myself. So many things to think of and balance out and juggle around.

No one told me it would be this busy when you were old enough To Do! Even if someone did, I probably wouldn’t be listening. Same as the young never do to sage advice from wise old owls. They don’t look like they could possibly have had any fun in their lives ever! Well they did. As did we. Can you remember? It wasn’t that long ago you know.

There’s a clear picture in my mind of a scene that is highly unremarkable. It’s summertime 1996 and I’m with Elbear and a few other people. We’re sat on the grassy field in front of The Pav, our Union hang out located in the Student Village. Dusk is falling and we have nothing to do except chill out with cigarettes and alcohol because no one had mobile phones with free wifi access. I remember an overwhelming feeling of mellowness as we just while away the hours there. Carefree you’d call it.

Does it make me feel nostalgic? Of course it does and it brings a smile to my face and be thankful to have had days like these.

In blogging these last nine months about the past, I’ve also touched upon much that has happened in the present. Celebrations of the people I love, of new life, of engagements and the loss of loved ones and marriages.

Such extreme highs and lows in a relatively short space of time. Life can’t always be good but when it is, it’s great and as I get older I think I can appreciate that a lot more rather than take it for granted. I’m sort of a grown up now but I’m not quite there and I hope I never will be. If I felt like I had all the answers then I’d stop learning from others.

So just three months to go. I need to start thinking about what’s going to happen on the other side of forty. My Would Like To Do List as it were.

I’ve never had a life plan as such and what I’ve been lucky enough to do and who I’ve been able to meet has brought some good times indeed.

What should I have on my list? What would you have on your list?

Well I’m not sure I want to do a bungee jump anymore which has been lingering somewhere on an imaginary list for 20 years. I don’t think my whole body could withstand that kind of physical shock. Neither should certain body parts be subjected to defy gravity in that way. Being flung around on the roller coaster at Legoland, Malaysia caused objection enough.

There’s much to think of. Much to plan for. I’m getting that frisson of excitement, of anticipation, of nerves again!

Forty’s coming around the corner! It’s almost time to say Hello!



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