The here and now and a bit of way back then

I relived my journey to 40 and found there's so much more to say

There’s a goblin in the Girls toilets

on October 30, 2013

It’s Halloween and Husband has carved out the pumpkin ready and #1 and 2 have decorated the house with a few cobwebs and Halloween bunting. I’ve made some cute little boxes filled with sweets for their school friends and tomorrow they’ll be sent to school looking scrumptious in adorable mini witch and wizard costumes.


This side of Halloween I can cope with and really enjoy it. The cuddly round the edges aspect of it all. At the weekend our condo held a huge Trick or Treat extravaganza and around 80 little people were dressed up in a wonderful array of costumes. It was really fun to see as they wandered around with their little orange buckets filled to the brim with sweets and treats their parents will eat for them. This Saturday we’ll be at double Halloween parties. A family one hosted by Mrs Imperturbable with Trick or Treating, party games and a BBQ. The other by Mrs Cake Pops just for grown ups and fancy dress. She’s got a photo booth coming! How cool is that? Must warn Husband not to get hideously drunk and get a four frame moonie photo. That would certainly bring the werewolves out.

What I can’t cope with is the blood and guts version of Halloween. Just today I quickly popped to the shops for some last minute Halloween things. The shops were pretty sparse having already moved on to Christmas stuff. I was busy rummaging through the racks looking for some plastic spiders, gingerly picking my way through severed hands, grotesque masks, skeleton bones and the most gruesome thing of all, a big ugly rat! Aaaaarghh! I was nearly sick and I imperceptibly jumped a few inches. I don’t think anyone noticed.

I wonder if Working Mammy (, my friend since Junior school has as vivid a memory of the goblin in the Girls toilets as I do. How the goblin got there or when it arrived I don’t recall. But somehow, one day, there it was. A green goblin had took up residency in the Girls toilets nearest our classroom.

Snort with derision if you must at there being no such thing as a goblin. I bet you think the same about a Gruffalo too. I also bet if you asked any eight year old they probably would say there’s no such thing as either goblin or Gruffalo as well. But they would soon change their minds if one was found in the toilets at their school.

This was no friendly goblin. Goblins seldom are, as Enid Blyton and J K Rowling know. This goblin struck fear and mass hysteria. If it was just hearsay it wouldn’t have been so bad but one girl actually saw it. She really must have done because she was crying and everything and she correctly identified it as being green and scary looking.

So the goblin carried on living in the Girls toilets. Mostly coming out at night apparently according to one goblin expert which means it would be in the toilets during the day. You know what that means? Crossing your legs and hoping not to pee. Or making sure you went to the toilets in groups. Well would you go in there by yourself if there’s a goblin? I remember desperately needing the toilet during class time and feeling the fear of meeting the goblin only making the need to go even greater. Fear is terribly debilitating. As is an over active imagination and anyone who knows me would say mine works quite hard.

It wasn’t just at school that the goblin could get you. Every night I went to bed with my head under the covers even though it was stifling hot. We lived in a bungalow at the time and the bedrooms were at the front of the house near to the garden gate. One night as I was hiding under the covers, the wind slammed shut the garden gate. I leapt out of bed into the living room screaming ‘The goblin is coming!’. I can feel my heart beating faster even now.

I don’t remember when the goblin moved out of our school onto the next one. As suddenly as it had arrived then it was gone. I don’t even know how long the goblin stayed for either. The concept of time at aged eight is rather unreliable. I just know that gradually I could sleep with my head poking further and further out above the covers and being able to freely go and pee again at school.

I’m glad to say that I’m no longer afraid of goblins and I’m rather fond of a vampire and werewolf. Sadly though this incident had a profound effect on my bravery levels. They just never fully recovered. I jump if Husband suddenly appears whilst I’m engrossed in something and I’ve screamed in the face of many an innocent bystander I bump into unexpectedly coming out of lifts or walking around corners.

In our adolescent years when the travelling fairgrounds came by and everyone insists on going on the ghost train, I would reluctantly join in too. But in the dark I would sit the whole ride with my eyes closed. What is it with teenagers and the dark? Brilliant New Adventure will remember our big group outings in the deep dark woods at night! Whatever for? Someone would inevitably choose a horror film on film night and my heart would sink.

I just don’t like spooky things! There. I’ve said it. It’s beautifully therapeutic to openly admit now that I’m a grown up and if I don’t want to watch a horror film or visit the London Dungeons then I won’t. It’s not worth me screaming in the face of the poor upcoming actor dressed in his spooky best reaching out in the dark to tap me on the shoulder because I can guarantee you my blood curdling scream will have them quivering in their boots.

I know it’s ridiculous and I know it’s not real. I know a film is just acting and it’s all very good special effects and make up. But the palpitations and the blood rushing through my veins when the eerie music is on and you’re moving through a darkened room with the actor waiting for the spooky thing to happen is just not worth me sleeping under the covers for.

I feel such relief!

But wait….I’ve forgotten something. I am the parent to three young children who must never know this weakness. Can you imagine how much ‘fun’ it would be just to hide behind this door and shout ‘Boo!’ at Mummy. At the moment #1 and 2 are fairly unrefined in their scaring tactics but this won’t last. Soon they will be sophisticated scaring machines and according to the Generic Parenting Guide, you must never show fear.

So who fancies a Freddie Kruger/Halloween marathon tonight? I’ll be the one watching with my eyes closed.

Happy Halloween.


One response to “There’s a goblin in the Girls toilets

  1. Gill says:

    Your a talented lady makes me smile


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: